Fictional Men I Would Totally Date

1. John H. Watson, M.D.

Canon: Sherlock Holmes

Reasoning: Watson has all the great qualities in a boyfriend: loyalty, smarts (hello, he’s a doctor), good looks, a good sense of humor, and a fondness for adventure. This translates to someone who will love you despite your hoodie and sweats and take you to eat Thai food for the first time. In my fictional world, anyway. In my fictional world he looks like Jude Law in the movie and that is attractive.

Drawbacks: The fact he’s BFFs with Sherlock Holmes. Holmes is the next bext thing to the homewrecker who steals your husband. Also, ACD sticks in sly references to Watson’s womanizing ways. Tsk.

Hello, Watson. So I know you get married...but....

Hello, Watson. So I know you get married…but….

2. Hiccup Horrendous Haddock III

Canon: How To Train Your Dragon

Reasoning: Outside the fantastic movie, Hiccup as a book character has admirable qualities: he’s smart, sarcastic, innovative, and nuturing. (He’s also ten, but we’re going to ignore that part). This is the guy who will enthuisically show you his studio and let you eat all the popcorn at the movies.

Drawbacks: Loyal dragon=will eat you if threatened.

This is what I mean.

This is what I mean.

3. Ponyboy Curtis

Canon: The Outsiders

Reasoning: I just realized I haven’t posted about The Outsiders. WHAT. Fixing that, pronto. Ponyboy’s sweet, attractive, devoted to his family and friends, and smart. Do you see a running theme here?

Drawbacks: Shy. Overprotected by his family and friends, who happen to be part of a gang.

This is Ponyboy as portrayed in The Outsiders movie. You should watch that, by the way.

This is Ponyboy as portrayed in The Outsiders movie. You should watch that, by the way.

4. Harry Potter

Canon: Harry Potter

Reasoning: Oh, Harry. I love this guy. He’s not a outstanding student like every other guy on here, but he is a wizard. He also is loyal, funny, courageous, and determined to do the right thing. I admire that. Plus I’m a sucker for green eyes. Throw in a scar and I’m hooked.

Drawbacks: Harry has good reason to whine, he really does, but sometimes…Plus, I’d be breaking up the great love of Ginny and Harry.

Not going to lie, I find Daniel Radcliffe very attractive.

Not going to lie, I find Daniel Radcliffe very attractive.

5. Neville Longbottom

Canon: Harry Potter

Reasoning: This one’s a little different.  Neville is so precious. Plus he’s in Griffindor for good reason- Neville kills the snake! And he resists the Death Eaters, and he’s just awesome. I will date you, Neville.

Drawbacks: Poor Neville will always not be so great at spells, which probably translates to a bit of an inferiority complex. Keep him in the herbology greenhouses where he’s confident.

Puberty worked out realllllyyy well for Neville.

Puberty worked out realllllyyy well for Neville.

6. Percy Jackson

Canon: Percy Jackson

Reasoning: How can you not love Percy? He’s hilarious, and sarcastic, and witty,  and enormously brave. He gets props for being a monster-slaying, quest-going badass. I picture him as pretty hot. He’d die to save the people he loves. And he saves the world. That is atttractive. Plus he’s related to Poseidon.

Drawbacks: He’s not called “Seaweed Brain” for nothing- Percy can be very thickskulled. I mean, I figured out Annabeth liked him like like two or three years before he did. Also, breaking up Percabeth? That’s true love!

I was going to find a book picture of Percy, but I love Logan Lerman even though he was way too old to be Percy. And they totally screwed up that movie so don't watch it.

I was going to find a book picture of Percy, but I love Logan Lerman even though he was way too old to be Percy. And they totally screwed up that movie so don’t watch it.

7. Peter Parker

Canon: Spider-Man

Reasoning: Who can resist Spider-Man? He is an attractive, muscular genius in a skintight suit who saves people every day at the cost of his own happiness. Selfless, smart, witty, and a super-hero. Come on!

Drawbacks: The cost of his own happiness extends to his girlfriends. Peter could never hold a girl hold except Gwen Stacy and Mary Jane Watson for a reason. Most girls couldn’t handle his constant lateness, secretiveness and often absence. The one who did, Ms. Stacy, got thrown off a bridge by the Green Goblin. The other thing? Being Spidey’s love is pretty dangerous. MJ was sadly parted from Peter in  REALLY STUPID move by Marvel. So technically I’m not destroying true love withthis one, except I am, because MJ is still Peter’s true love in MY book.

Our favorite webslinger, a la Tobey Maguire. Swing a little closer, darling.

Our favorite webslinger, a la Tobey Maguire. Swing a little closer, darling.

8. Westley

Canon: The Princess Bride

Reasoning: Westley is very attractive, Buttercup tells us. Also, he loves Buttercup so devotedly he takes her barbs and cruel carelessness for years and never retorts with anything but a gentle, “As you wish.” And he protects Buttercup endlessly, even from afar, and never wavers in his love. Who wouldn’t want that kind of love?

Drawbacks: Again,  Buttercup and Westley have that whole true love thing. But that’s pretty much all I got.

You actually should watch this movie.

You actually should watch this movie.

I’m sure there are plenty of other literary men I would date, but that’s today’s list. Next week? What literary men I wouldn’t touch with a literary ten-foot pole. Who would you date? Am I way off base or totally on target with my list? Comment on this post and I’ll love you forever.

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